Just another teenage girl who wants to get away from it all.
I don’t really think it’s sunk in yet. But when it does, I’m gonna be a mess
You say you like me… You say all these cute things… And then we go to dinner and you don’t do shit except text other girls who you used to talk to? Okay that’s actually annoying as fuck. How do you expect me to continue liking you and talking to you if I’m gonna constantly have to worry about the other girls in your life. Wait lemme answer that for you… I’m not going to. I’m not gonna put up with that shit, I’ve already been through that enough with other guys and I’m not trying to have to go through that with you. Just make it clear what you want out of this whole thing and then everything will be so much easier. If you wanna talk, tell me. If you just wanna be friends with benefits, tel me. If you just wanna be friends cause you like someone else, tell me. But don’t keep doing this shit and then when you actually have a chance to do something with me you chicken out… cause it’s getting old really fast. Put some actions behind your words and then maybe things will actually work out. And don’t be a shady little fucker. Just say stuff straight up and stick to what you’re saying. Good Lord it is NOT that hard to do. You wonder why I always get into a bad mood by the end of dinner every time we go out… It’s because I don’t know what the fuck you want and it’s so fucking annoying. Okay I’m done with this rant.
Wait actually no. While I’m at it I might as well rant about another thing. Like, uhm, don’t sit there and tell me to talk to you more and to “not be so distant” and then i fucking said hi to you and all you did was sat there staring at the ground. I mean. It’s fine. It’s not like I expected you to all of a sudden be nice to me and actually be friends with me just cause I sucked your dick but forreal dude like dont fucking give me a lecture about how you want me to go in and give you a hug and how you want me to talk to you more, and then go and not hold up your side of the thing. Clearly I’m thinking too much into this whole thing. And that’s what pisses me off even more at myself. Like, again, I don’t understand what you want. If I’m just a hookup that’s fine I’m fine with that but don’t fucking kiss me randomly during the night and don’t fucking cuddle with me the whole night and don’t do cute shit. Because yeah we hooked up but that’s definitly more than a hookup and I think that’s what bothers me the most. Is that you do confusing shit like that and make it seem like you really wanted to at least be friends but then you completely change and you don’t even say a word to me the next time I go over. That’s fucking bullshit and I’m not fucking going through this whole awkward stage again holy shit I’m actually legit mad. Why the fuck can’t things just be fucking simple with you for once. Why.
You convince people out of suicide.
You help people that self harms.
You tell people that they’re beautiful.
But you can’t do this to yourself.
You can’t convince yourself out of suicide.
You can’t stop self harming.
You can only think of how ugly you are.
As a human, I’m so hypocritical. However, I’m proud I still have some shred of humanity left. I still care for others. Even when I can’t care for myself.